Robert E. Lee to John B. Minor

I have been informed by the Corresponding Sec - y of the Educational Society of VA: that I have been appointed in conjunction with yourself & the Rev - d Dr. Dabney, a committee to prepare an address to the public & parents of Virginia, urging them to a more hearty cooperation with teachers in matters of instruction, discipline etc. The benefits that would be secured to education & the aid which would be afforded teachers by such cooperation would be very great, as all who have any experience on the subject must be aware of the obstacles at the very threshold of education, arising from the want of proper family management. If therefore they can be removed much good will be attained, & this result can in some degree be accomplished by inducing parents to consider the fundamental principles to be observed in the education of their children.

In its broad & comprehensive sense, education embraces the physical moral & intellectual instruction of a child from infancy to manhood. Any system is imperfect which does not combine them all & that is best which while it thoroughly developes them, abuses the coarse animal emotions of human nature, & exalts the higher faculties & feelings. A child has every thing to learn & is more readily taught by having before it good examples to imitate, than by simple precepts. He should therefore as far as circumstances will permit, be encouraged to associate with his parents, for heart must be affected, his feelings moved, as well as his mind expanded. He may be taught that it is criminal to steal & sinful to lie & yet be unable to apply this knowledge to the government of himself, & it will therefore be of no value to him, unless the principle is confirmed into a habit.

Obedience is the first requisite in family training. It should be made sincere & perfect, & to proceed as much from affection, as a conviction of its necessity. To accomplish this, great prudence & the exercise of much patience are necessary. By firmness mixed with kindness, the child by repeated experience will learn that he is not to follow his first impulse, and that self control, which even an infant can understand, is necessary to his comfort. Neither violence or harshness should ever be used, & the parent must bear constantly in mind that to govern his child, he must shew him that he can control himself. One of the most common errours in the management of children is irregularity of behaviour towards them. They are as skilful as pertinacious in their attempts to gratify their self will; at one time trying to evade authority, at another to oppose it. If they once succeed they are encouraged to persevere, & it is necessary for the parent to meet the first attempt with firmness, & not permit himself to be baffled either by evasion or resistance. Although a child may not yield to threats & may defy punishment, he cannot resist patient kindness & gentle admonition.

The love of truth is equal in importance to habitual obedience. Every encouragement, even to the pardoning of offences, should be given to its cultivation. Children are naturally truthful, & they should be accustomed to hear the truth always spoken; & candour, integrity & confession of error, with a detestation of falsehood, dishonesty & equivacation should be sedulously inculcated. A strict adherence to promises made to them is of the utmost importance, as well as the removal of all temptation to misconduct. They should also be prepared & warned against its attacks.

Sentiments of religion should be early impressed upon the minds of children by personal explanation & systematic instruction. As the intellect expands its sacred truths will be comprehended & felt, & its motives & principles be strengthened & confirmed by practice & habit. An essential part of the education of youth is to teach them to serve themselves, & to impress upon them the fact that nothing good can be acquired in this world without labour; & that the very necessaries & comforts of life must be procured by earnest & regular exertion. They should also be taught to know that after having been reared & educated by their parents, they should not expect them to further provide for them; & that their future subsistence & advancement must depend upon themselves. Parents sometimes commit the mistake of allowing their children after having reached the period of life when they ought to be engaged in making a livelihood, to rely upon them for support. This encourages them in injurious idleness, & destroys that spirit of self dependence, which is necessary for their advancement in life, & causes them to appear so unreasonable as to depend upon them, after having arrived at the age of being able to think & act for themselves.

The choice of a profession is not of so much consequence as the manner in which it is pursued. If habits of self control & self denial have been acquired during education, the great object has been accomplished. Diligence & integrity in any useful pursuit of life will be sure to secure prosperity & fame, & success will result from engaging in that business in which the generality of mankind are interested.

I have given you the foregoing sketch of what I have thought might form in part the groundwork of a suitable address, to be modified or suppressed as you & Dr Dabney may determine. As I have no knowledge of the views of the Educational Society, as to the kind of address that is desired, I must leave to you two its preparation; as I am sure you will do it more satisfactorily than I could. What I have written is derived from my reflection & experience.

Very resp - y & truly yours

R E Lee

Prof - r J. B. Minor